People often tell me in private, either though emails or when I meet them face to face, that they know I don't like talking about autism or biomedical treatments much, but they would really love to hear more. I always assure them that I really don't mind talking about it, I just have to keep it in balance with everything else in my life. And I'm done watching and reading anything fear-based, like "the other side" of the vaccine debate (pro-vaccine)—so don't bother sending it to me ;-) I know what they say, and no amount of biased garbage is going to convince me otherwise.
For instance, I was up in Loveland last week and I bumped into someone (well, not literally :-) who knew my blog. She apologized, but said she really wanted to ask me how I had the courage to have another baby. I wondered if there are more of you who are asking yourselves the same question. Let me explain.
When Ashley was having her most severe period my husband and I decided we couldn't have any more children, like we had planned. At that point it wasn't so much of a worry that it would "happen again"—that we would have another child with autism. We were just franticly working around the clock with Ashley.
But eventually I did come to fear that if we had another baby, they may have problems like Ashley. And eventually, after we began chelation (removing poison), Ashley improved dramatically. You can read more about all that here.
Then a good friend of mine came to visit last summer. We took our kids to the park, where she asked me if Andy and I were going to have any more children. I said no, and admitted my fears to her. Her response really hit me. She said that we're all predisposed to probably lots of potential problems. It's really a matter of whether or not those things are triggered.
I thought about that deeply. For all I know, Zoe is also predisposed to autism, but for her it wasn't triggered. In my family's history are heart conditions, diabetes, depression, cancer, and more. I could be predisposed to many things myself.
But still, after that day at the park with my friend, I didn't think of having more children again.
Then in November I thought I was pregnant. Oops. Only I didn't feel panic. I didn't get scared. I was giddy. Andy was giddy. We couldn't stop smiling. But a few days later we were wrong. I wasn't pregnant. We were so disappointed.
After a lot of thought, and talking about it, we decided to just see. I didn't have the easiest time getting pregnant with Zoe and Ashley, especially considering how young I was (I was 24 when I had Zoe). It took over six months before I was pregnant with Zoe and Ashley. Andy and I thought that if I got pregnant this past December, that it would be meant to be.
Two weeks later I was pregnant.
We thought it was a good sign :-) Almost ten years after having our first, we were pregnant with our third, and it didn't take six months this time. Isn't it usually the other way around?
But there were some other things I considered, before deciding to "just see." Of course I was thinking about what my friend had said—that just because we may be predisposed doesn't mean it will be triggered. Also, I've been eating gluten-free for many years now, which is very important for a celiac's fertility. And, I've done detoxification of my own over the past couple years. I did a cleanse two years in a row, followed by a colonic. Plus, I finally got rid of my candida as a result of my diet and cleansing. (Phew.) I avoid toxins, eat organic as much as possible, and haven't had any mercury fillings put in or removed. And I won't have my last two mercury fillings replaced until after the baby has weaned.
Still, there are no guarantees. And that's okay. We try to lead a guided life, and we feel like this baby was meant to be :-) It was blind faith that led us to Colorado with no jobs and no money, and our lives have been blessed ever since.
And now that I've been so serious, I'll leave you with something light—my favorite breakfast lately, quinoa flake porridge, and a photo of the girls and I in their room this morning. Four months pregnant :-) I thought I would share a photo with you at the beginning of every month, so you can share in our excitement.
Cinnamon & Sugar Quinoa Flake Porridge
grain-free, gluten-free, dairy-free
Add to pot:
3 cups cashew milk (cashew milk video)
1 cup coconut milk
Bring to simmer.
1 & 1/4 cups quinoa flakes
Reduce heat to low and stir until thickened (one or two minutes).
3 tsp cinnamon
1/4 cup coconut sugar (which is low glycemic index)
1/4 tsp sea salt
Toasted shredded coconut, raisins, cooked apples, sliced bananas, walnuts.
Makes about 4 servings.